Illogical Two-Step
by Clementive
Summary: AU. Shikamaru expected his love confession to the new secretary to last the length of a two-step dance. He certainly didn't expect her to be everything but a secretary, his muffins to be poisoned or his love confession to last weeks. ShikaIno


_**This is a request from **Shikainoisthebest** who claimed I haven't written enough ShikaIno, yet. As promised, here it is. **_

_**This is my first one-shot so I struggled a bit to make things all wrapped up and clean. I hope you'll all enjoy it! :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**_

-X-

**Illogical Two-Step  
_by Clementive_**

-X-

The first time detective Shikamaru Nara saw Ino Yamanaka, he didn't know her name but he hated the way she didn't accommodate or respect others' personal space.

In everything she did, she seemed to walk out of a western movie with her cowboy boots and her blond hair that shadowed the movements of her hips. He thought she would have her place on a ranch not at the Leaf division of the federal bureau of investigation. Her gestures and words spoke volumes in the division of cold cases.

When it came to her, law and order were secondary. First, the two-step that was her gait and then, solving crimes. He mainly hated the way everyone else seemed to think so.

"What a troublesome new secretary," the genius mumbled noticing the other investigators pausing on their task the way he did whenever she appeared, her cowboy boots clicking on the floor.

Shikamaru felt paranoid, illogical, as he calculated her trajectories, the angles in which she would lean over a shoulder and the arch of her eyebrows, the rhythm of her pen tapping her notepad. Countless times, he had watched her enter offices without knocking, invading anyone's privacy with questions uttered in her high-pitched voice.

Yesterday, it was the Aburame, today, it was the Uchiha.

He cringed, taking a quick slip of coffee turning slowly away from her smiling lips but he came nose-to-nose with a grinning man. He cursed under his breath, Akamaru's snout already nudging his ankle. Kiba Inuzuka crossed his arms over his broad chest titling his head towards the blonde woman.

"Are you strategizing, Nara?" He smirked.

"Too troublesome." The genius glared, setting his cup down on the table of the kitchenette before shifting his glare down at the white police dog. "Keep that dog away from my pants."

"Sure," the younger detective slapped his back chuckling to himself as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "Well, while you _don't _strategize, you can tell me who is going to have the Orichimaru case?"

Kiba clicked his tongue and the dog turned towards his master excitedly yapping.

"Probably the Hyuuga and his partner," he shrugged, hands deep in his pockets but his dark eyes remained on her as she straightened her back.

She emerged from the Uchiha office, flustered, in her characteristic click of heels. His friend's answer and his dog's yap echoed in a blur when she paused at the door, a small smile on her rosy lips. In moments, she disappeared in a trail of flowery perfume that left him and constables frozen in awe.

"Carry on, troublesome morons," he snapped annoyed and the younger detective's shoulders shook with laughter.

Yes, the first time he saw Ino Yamanaka, he planned a love confession that would last the length of a two-step dance.

In fact, the first time he saw Ino Yamanaka, he didn't think of her as troublesome. That came later.

-X-

The first time Dr Yamanaka Ino spoke to him, he knew her first name was Ino and she invaded his personal space.

He nearly knocked over his cup of coffee on his open case file when she stormed in his office, a hand securely wrapped around the Inuzuka's neck. The genius gulped, taking in her heavy breathes and the anger reddening her cheeks. Her scowl angled chaotically on her, enhancing parts of her bone structure. Shikamaru had calculated every possible outcome of her interactions with the other investigators of the division and he knew his turn would come eventually. He simply didn't think it would involve Kiba Inuzuka choking between them.

"You're Shikamaru Nara?" She hissed with narrowed eyes and flared nostrils.

It didn't sound like a question. It resonated inside him as a yell, an imposing cry of annoyance that didn't roll his name on her tongue the way he rolled hers in his mind. Blinking slowly, he calculated the angle of her frown that long blond bangs masked.

"I c-can't breathe."

When he imagined their two-step dance, he thought her stare would read him and beyond, that there would be no need for words. He planned for troublesome fireworks to run down their spines. However, when their eyes met, her anger sat between them, unfaltering before his confusion.

"Can you release me?" Kiba squeaked again, pleading Shikamaru with his eyes.

Without ceremony, she tossed him on the seat. The coffee did spill when she slammed her hands on his desk, her face inches from his.

"Is it because I'm blond?" She shouted and he blinked in surprise stealing a glance at the coughing detective in front of him. "Do I look dumb to you, you misogynistic asshole?"

"Ino," the detective tried but the coffee dripped down his pants, the rhythm of a two-step dance deafening in his head.

Her nose brushed his and he could see the gold and green flickers in her blue irises. He still felt no fireworks. Instead, fear boiled within him and the love confession that he planned for their meeting died on his tongue.

"I'm not a goddamn secretary, Nara. If I catch you forming the first syllable of the word 'secretary', I will show you what a forensic botanist with a Ph. D. in poisonous European yews can do when she is angry."

"That would be troublesome for you," he muttered, dry-mouth staring at her moving lips.

Her smirk stretched her lips, devious and triumphant.

"And very deadly for you."

Yes, the first time Dr Ino Yamanaka spoke to Shikamaru Nara, he realized that she was troublesome and insane and as illogical as it seemed to him, he didn't hate it.

In fact, the first time she spoke to him, he thinly smirked loosening his tie while Kiba Inuzuka kept coughing purple-faced.

-X-

The first time detective Shikamaru Nara apologized to her, the data of her agent file was still fresh in his memory.

After she stormed out of his office, he studied her, noticing the chaos that hung to every of her movements. She was like a time-bomb, her clumsiness brushed and unnoticed because of her beauty. He noticed the way she gnawed at her below lip looking around her, willing everyone around to see everything but the imperfect edges of her gait.

He noticed the way she carried on hurriedly, her legs stiffed after she knocked over a vase. Sometimes, he would watch her work and count the precise jerks of her wrists whenever she took samples. He noticed it was the only location where her shoulders relaxed and her clumsiness didn't bubble around her as part of her loud act. In her lab, he noticed she was calm, confident and secure.

Midnight rang, silence and hurried footstep moving on the floor as one. He heard her before he saw her, loud and chaotic. Grabbing a cup of coffee and a muffin, the detective leaned back against the counter of the kitchenette watching her closely.

The scientist impatiently pushed her hair over her shoulder, glaring at him with feigned indifference. Moments later, she bent over the copy machine, her botany book tucked under her arm. Blowing the steam above his cup of coffee, he analyzed the slow movements of her tensed shoulders beneath her floral purple dress, papers already threatening to slip between her fingers.

"Do you need help?" he drawled, muffling a yawn with his hand.

"Get your goddamn secretary to help me," Ino snapped slipping her pen between her lips. Awkwardly, she moved her book and raised her knee to push the flashing green button of the machine.

"I could charge you with indecency, Dr. Yamanaka."

Finally, her eyes turned back towards him. He hid his smirk behind his cup as she evaluated the seriousness of his words. Lazily, he stepped towards her, his long finger careful taking the voluminous book from her before she could protest.

Silence settled between them as the copy machine spilled out pages of her new case.

"I wrongly assumed you were a secretary because you walk around with thousand of papers and you spend a lot of time at the copy machine."

Her lips still formed a thin line. He waited for a sign that would guide him but she didn't let anything slip. She stared at him with her blue eyes, the rest of her folders pressed against her chest.

"I'm sorry," he cleared his throat, a tired hand rubbing his neck and he tried to hand her back her book.

"Had I been a brunette..."

"I would have assumed the same thing."

Warily, she locked glance with him until her hand reached for her book. Chin up, Ino turned away from him loudly sighing as she opened the machine. With pink manicured nails, she pushed the pages on the nearby table and placed another page. The machine whizzed once more. The botanist waited for it to stop, her back still to him.

The cowboy boots hit the floor in a rhythm that bounced her hair against her back. She pushed her shoulders back like a queen, pages pocking out in angles from her grip. At that moment, he could already think a billion troublesome reasons why she could never be conquered at this point.

Then, she stopped and there was nothing but silence once more between them.

"Don't eat your muffin," she said simply and he blanched, his mouth inches from the pastry.

"Troublesome woman," he muttered inspecting it thoroughly for any sign of poison.

Yes, the first time Shikamaru Nara apologized to her, he feared for his life and he began reading on European yews.

In fact, she let him in lab when pieces of the plant showed up in her pockets and under her microscope but her smirk was still venomous.

-X-

The first time Dr Yamanaka looked at him without a scowl or a smirk, bullets rained on them and her throat was scorched from screaming.

"Do you have a plan, Shika?"

"The name's Shikamaru," he groaned sitting on the back of his heels, his back plastered on the wall. The detective kept his gun against his chest his mind quickly calculating the number of assailants.

Shikamaru didn't know what happened first, her soft cursing or the first bullet. Repeatedly, plaster exploded above their heads. Her rosy lips trembled, her finger stiff on the trigger of her gun. He pulled the trigger of his own gun. A cry of pain erupted and blood dripped. Plaster kept exploding, echoing muffled cries.

"How many do you think they are?"

"Five," he mumbled, a cold calculated look replacing his usual sluggishness. "This may get troublesome. Do you know how to fire your gun, Yamanaka, or do you plan on just standing there?"

Restlessly, he narrowed his eyes at her while recharging his gun. Her cheeks reddened and she pinched her lips, noting the annoyance in his voice.

"I could poison them."

"Excuse me, troublesome woman, but they are bit far for that and I bet they won't eat any of your troublesome muffins." He grumbled eyeing the opened door where barrels of guns shone in the obscurity.

Fumbling through her bags, she smirked handing him a small ball. Warily, he rolled it between his fingers.

"If it explodes here, idiot, it will knock us at out," she hissed. "Throw it! God! For a genius you are slow sometimes."

His mind whirled about the situation they found themselves in. They were so supposed to collect evidence at the apartment of the deceased but when they arrived, the apartment wasn't empty. The bitter scent of gunpowder surrounded them, enclosing dangerously around them.

The green ball hit the floor in front of the apartment, thin layers of grey smoke thickening in the air in a rough smell. Four of the attackers stumbled in the hallway, falling hard after two steps, smoke still rolling between them.

The hand of the fifth attacker lay pale and waxy in the ajar door.

His eyes watered from the smoke. Vaguely, the detective felt her hands on his chest pushing him down, a part of her scarf pressed against his nose and mouth. Loosely, he closed his arms around her waist, drawing her closer.

When their eyes met, there were still no fireworks but sirens hurled. Her smile reached her eyes and relief washed over her with the sound of officers drawing nearer. The scarf fell between them. He breathed in tentatively, something on her face telling him it has been nothing more than an experiment. Nothing more than an illogical two-step, she thought she could guide.

"Don't you dare do that again," Shikamaru muttered his lips pressed against her forehead.

"I hate firing guns." the blonde huffed.

His chest heaved in a soft chuckles, heavy steps of constable filling the hallway. He still wouldn't let her go and she didn't pull away.

Yes, the first time Dr Yamanaka looked at him without a scowl or a smirk, he knew she was troublesome, insane and deadly in too many ways for it to be logical but he kept holding on to her.

In fact, his love confession had lasted weeks as he watched clouds between each of their steps until he could draw her in the dance without the threat of poison.

Until he knew she would join him on her own, cowboy boots clicking on the floor.

-X-

_**Well this was fun to write. ^_^ Let me know what you thought! :)**_


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